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Why Love Languages are a necessity in a relationship


  1. Meeting each other's love languages will improve communication. If each partner knows each other's love languages, it allows for the opportunity to meet their needs before they even have to ask. This allows for less miscommunication in the relationship. You are less likely to have miscommunication issues if you know how to reach the other person on their level best. This interchange will grow your relationship on profound levels.

  2. Understanding specifically the top three of your partner's love language is key. Usually, we all have a mixture of all five love languages; however, typically, we have a top three that usually equals 60% or more. For example, words of affirmation may be 20%, acts of service15%, and quality time may be 30%. You can easily find your percentages if you download the Love Nudge app. Simply take the 10-15 minutes quiz, and you have your percentages for each love language. Then the app allows you to share a code with your partner, and you can see each partner's love language. After obtaining your and your partner's love languages, I have not found any more usefulness in the app other than the quiz itself. Now that you have your top three, write out ten specific things, per love language, that your partner can do each day to add money to your "love bank." If this becomes part of your everyday life, your love bank never gets overdrawn with conflict or bumps in the road. It also creates an atmosphere of fondness and admiration.

  3. Partners enhance appreciation by knowing each other's love languages and actively doing them. Once you know your partner's love language, it becomes more apparent how they use that attentively to please you and show their love. Understanding when your partner is actively using their love language to show appreciation will help you recognize their efforts to love you. Knowing how they express love will help you to see when they are trying to please you. For example, if your partner's love language is physical touch, you will understand that they are showing you their highest form of love when they extend this affection to you. However, it is also essential to communicate to your partner how you feel love so they can also learn to show your love with your preference. When nice things get done for you, you feel appreciated and loved, and you are more likely to compromise and negotiate, thus improving your overall relationship.

  4. Being intentional with your partners' love languages also increases connection. One of the most significant indicators of a successful relationship is your ability to connect with your partner on multiple levels. If you are trying to express your love in a love language that your partner doesn’t relate to, it is no surprise that there will be a disconnect. A good example here is one of my love languages is acts of service. If my partner makes the bed every day, that's considered an act of service, correct? Well, what if I don't care about having the bed made? Thus this act it is not putting any deposits in my love bank. If my partner takes the dogs out for me, another act of service, this significantly helps with my daily routine, thus putting deposits in my bank. However, my partner will never know this unless I communicate specifically what I need and desire as acts of service. They may even miss your caring altogether since you’re not speaking a language that is natural to them. For those whose love language is quality time, you may need to adjust to sharing everyday activities rather than doing them alone. Studies have shown that doing everyday activities with your partner by your side, such as working out together or preparing meals together, can strengthen your bond and help you rely on and get through challenges together. Plus, this together time will mean a lot to a partner whose love language is quality time.

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Vickie Covington, LPC, is trained in EMDR which is an advanced trauma-informed therapy practice that reprocesses maladaptive stored experiences and integrates positive adaptive experiences so that cl